


Ataraxia

by Eccentric_Bambi



Series: Gaze-Tober [3]
Category: the GazettE
Genre: Assisted Suicide, Emotional Manipulation, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fictober, Ghosts, M/M, Mental Instability, Paranormal, Poltergeists, Psychological Torture, Sad Ending, Tragedy, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-08 22:57:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12263802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eccentric_Bambi/pseuds/Eccentric_Bambi
Summary: From the Day that Reita goes to Tokyo, his life goes downhill. As the days go by, it gets worse. Until everything becomes too much.FIC-TOBER





	Ataraxia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aoi_Sensei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoi_Sensei/gifts).



> Prompt #3: Reita begins having sleep paralysis more and more often, accompanied by strangely vivid nightmares. Exhausted and scared, he realizes that these nightmares are starting to bleed into reality. Is he being hunted or is he being haunted?
> 
> So this one will be a psychological thing with nightmares and such. I will keep this one short and sweet :) AND TRAGIC AS USUAL (Most of my Fic-tober works will be like this)

My name is Suzuki Akira. I moved here to Tokyo with my best friend Kouyou Takashima. Just two country boys from Kanagawa I guess. Coming to the big city was something we always wanted to do someday. There were... dreams we had, of being in college and having very successful lives. The apartment was in a low-rise area with a bunch of skyscrapers blocking the view of the sun most of the day. Rent was cheap, transportation was a bitch. But it was better than some slum I guess.

Kouyou found a job in some nearby Starbucks so I hardly see him, and I managed to find a job in a record shop. It was a living I suppose. We've been here about a week now but about a few days ago I started having weird... dreams. Nightmares almost. I woke up at three in the morning yesterday, I was covered in sweat and panting. I guess I was making noise because Kouyou came inside my room to make sure I was okay. He said I was screaming in my sleep. But I don't remember what the dream was about.

And just a while ago, Kouyou texted me saying he wouldn't be back tonight. His coworker wanted to throw a Pre-Halloween Party (an excuse to drink that he would never pass up) so he was going to stay over there. So... I have the apartment to myself tonight, but I don't think it's a good idea. It felt.. too big for one person. Two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen and a living room. Most of it was still empty. Boxes were still in the kitchen with our shared kitchen supplies.

An old couch from a nearby thrift store sat in front of a blank plaster wall where a TV would usually be. No money for that yet, maybe someday. Right now though, all we had were our phones. But that wasn't what was interesting to me.

For some reason when I was making tea this morning the electricity went out. Like, just for a few minutes. Maybe the wiring in here is faulty? I hope not, hopefully, it was just a minor flub in the system and it will all be okay from now on. I really don't want to spend thousands of yen on an electrician. I just hope he will be okay tonight. I should send him a quick text. 

Good night Kouyou, I'll see you in the morning.

  ********************  

Oh God... Something... Something is happening... I woke up from another dream. A nightmare this time. I felt.. I felt like I was being choked. Like... fingers, human fingers, were grabbing at my neck. I... I panicked. I couldn't breathe... When I woke up it was three again. Just like... Like yesterday. What is happening? 

"I need to calm down..." 

Maybe it was just my nerves. Hopefully, with a cup of tea, I can go back to sleep. Quickly I put on my kettle and wait for the water to heat up. I still... can feel those fingers on my throat. My body was frozen and none of my arms could move. And I swear... I thought I saw someone standing over me. Just... A black shadow.  I don't understand what's happening. I don't want to be here alone anymore... I don't want to be here without him.

********************

I must have passed out on my couch because another nightmare jolted me awake. Instead of something grabbing me something was... touching me softly. My neck was being caressed in a soothing manner. But it still scared me. I saw a soft face, baby like and with plump cheeks. He was... so beautiful. I wanted him to never leave me, to always feel his touch on me. 

It was a good dream til everything went wrong... The person seemed to dissolve into nothing like he was before, his body seeping with black liquid from all his eyes, his mouth. His hair was short but turned from an angelic blonde to a deep depressing black. His soothing touch turned harmful, his fingers blackening before trying to choke me again. 

I woke up to Kouyou in front of me, shaking me awake with a concerned face. A... a man was behind him, his hair long and raven colored. 

"Ngh... Kou..? Is that you?" 

Everything was so hazy, but I knew he was in front of me. My best friend...

"Akira, you were screaming in your sleep," he said, his soft features worried. "When I walked in you were clawing at your neck. I had to stop you before you hurt yourself."

My throat hurts. He helped me up and gave me water, but I barely tasted it through the disgusting taste in my mouth. 

"What's happening..."

"You should go to bed," he murmured. "You might feel better if you sleep a little longer."

No... No, if I do he'll just come back!

"I'm... I'm okay. If I go to sleep... I'll just see it again." 

He looked at me like I was crazy. I sure felt like it...

"See it? What's it?" 

The other man worriedly looked at Kouyou, his eyes showing an obvious look of... loving affection. His... friend? Or his boyfriend? 

"Nothing. It's nothing, okay? I'm fine. I need to go and clear my head." 

He didn't stop me as I walked away. Good. I don't need him to bother me. 

"Yuu, baby, can you put on some water?" I hear him say to the other guy. So it was his boyfriend... When did he get a boyfriend? 

"Of course, Kouyou. Do you want tea?" 

I closed the door to ignore their conversation, too intimate for my liking. I'm glad he found someone but it only made me feel worse. More... Lonely. Someone else for him to rely on, and vice versa. Meaning... I wouldn't have a reason to anymore. 

The mirror showed me a graphic scene. I managed to claw at my throat, and red painful welts were all over my skin. If I had gone any further... Who knows what would have happened. Could I have torn open my own throat? Is that... What  _He_ wants me to do? 

"Who... are you?" 

  ********************  

The next few days... Got even worse. Even though Yuu was with us the last few days, I barely saw Kouyou at all. He would either be at work or with Yuu on a date. I tried to busy myself at work, but my boss thought I got sick. So I was stuck at home until I got better, but... I knew I wouldn't be. This wasn't something that would get better. 

So I stopped sleeping at home, and instead, I was sleeping at hotels or cheap one-night game cafes. It worked for a while, and I went back to work as I normally would, only going home to get clothes. Yuu moved in and lived in Kouyou's room, as a boyfriend would. 

But... Kouyou was worried. I haven't seen him in almost a week, so I went home. Yuu was there again, this time he was as worried as Kouyou was for my health. I was skinnier and I wasn't watching my own mental health. Things got worse. 

"You're never home," they said to me. "What is the matter? You know you can tell us anything."

I couldn't, not yet. 

"I'm okay, I'm just busy." 

It was an excuse, as it always was. The nights grew longer, I grew tired. No matter what I tried I couldn't sleep peacefully. What's happening to me..? 

********************  

It's... It's happening again! Why..? 

"Why won't you leave me alone!?"

My vision is black. Something is touching me. Something cold. Fingers... Were brushing on my throat, making the welts hurt. They were barely healing up but I wanted to make it go away. 

_'Akira... My Akira..'_

A voice... whispers in my ear, cold and dark like death. Fear went through my veins, making me unable to move. I can't breathe..! 

"Leave... me alone," I cried. "Please... I don't know what I did... I want to go home..!"

Lips as cold as ice kissed my neck. Those fingers brushed over my neck and then nails softly dragged over my welts. Then I saw him. The same lovely blonde from before, just... covered in that blackness. All black eyes, all black lips. His hair was caked in blood and blackness. Still, despite that, he smiled at me.

_'Soon my love. Soon. You will be mine.'_

Then he squeezed on my neck, making me jolt awake yet again.

Three A: M on the dot.

********************  

I lost my job. But I don't care anymore. Nothing... seemed to make the pain go away. I tried to bring home someone to warm up my bed once, but they left in the middle of the night after something scratched his arm. He apologized via text and I never saw him again. 

Whatever is bothering me won't let me talk to anyone anymore. They always get attacked, and I was left... alone. With him. 

Even Kouyou was avoiding me. Something scratched him on his face, leaving a mark. Yuu was worried and offered to find a new place for them. Still, Kouyou persisted. Something was keeping him from leaving altogether. Still, he went and found another job to keep paying rent since I was so useless. Yuu picked up the slack for me. I felt bad but I... Can't do anything about it. 

********************    

_"I'm sorry. I can't handle this anymore, Pakira-chan. Once you find help come find me."_

Three weeks ago I lost my job, a week ago Kouyou started staying with Yuu in a new place. I had three months left to be here before they kicked me out. 

He was tired of me. He was gone. My best friend... Everything was worse than it ever was. 

What do I have left? Who even cares? Yuu took Kouyou away from me. None of them talk to me except through text. My life means nothing anymore. 

I was really alone now. Why did I ever decide to leave home... Nothing good happened since I left. Kouyou would have still been with me. We could have... Still been happy. But... 

********************   

_"Akira... Oh, my poor dear Akira."_

That voice... That damn voice. I started hearing it even when I am awake now. Soft, melodic, cruel. Sweetly venomous as it whispered to me as I laid in bed for almost three days straight. 

"Go away..."

The lights went out. My drawers started sliding open and slamming closed. But I was used to it by now.

_"I can never go away."_

Hands grasped my arms. Cold and stone-like, they felt so real... 

"You ruined everything."

_"I only did what I wanted. I've been alone for so long, and you are perfect in every way."_

A second weight dipped on my bed and laid near me. A cup on my bedside table fell and broke to pieces. 

I don't care. 

"I just want to die." 

My phone fell to the floor. The blanket was pulled back and he touched my hip. 

_"I can help the pain go away, if only you would just come to me."_

Can he really? If he caused my pain, can he take it away? 

"I want to die... Please let me sleep."

The voice laughed near my ear, and for once the touch I feel on my hip is... warm. So so warm... 

_"Then come to me. I can bring you to paradise my love. A paradise where all your fears will be taken away. I will be your sun, and you will be my moon. Come with me..."_

His hand tugged on my arm, luring me to the bathroom. The water was running, and the tub started filling with cold water. It was... lulling me in. I wanted to sleep. It was easy to fall in and relax inside of the tub. Then something sat on my chest. Everything felt numb. My mouth would open but nothing came out. I felt something cold filling my lungs, but I was too tired to care. Then... Soft lips pressed to mine. I felt my earlier tiredness come back and I relaxed more. 

_"Everything... will be okay. My love. Soon we will be together."_

That was all I heard before I fell asleep yet again. And I know I won't wake up this time. 

********************  

Kouyou came back. He came back to find me, but all he found was sadness. Water flooded the apartment. I saw him cry so hard when he found me. My lips were all blue, my skin wrinkly. But as much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't speak to him. 

This was his fault but I wasn't angry. I never belonged there in the first place. He had Yuu, and I had no one. Well, no one but my Angel. My beautiful Takanori. He stood by me through everything, holding my hand as paramedics took me away. And as Kouyou cried his heart out in the living room I walked up to him, knowing he can't see me so I could say anything I wanted. Yuu was his only comfort.

"Kouyou. I'm sorry. Sorry that I did this, but the pain was too much. You left me, but I forgive you. You deserve happiness with Yuu. And I hope you can forgive me. I'll never forget you Shima-chan. Please, be happy. And forget about me."

A bright white light seemed to shine from the opened front door. Takanori smiled at me, his sweet beautiful face the image of heaven. He grabs my hand, now warm as we finally existed on the same plane. It was home. All he wanted was someone to love. And to not be alone. 

I only had one thing left to do before we went home. With a kiss to his hand, I had him wait for me as I said my last goodbyes. With my hand, I attempt to brush at Kouyou's hair to ruffle it. He shivered and just pushed his hair back, not noticing at all as he left nothing but tears behind. 

"I'll see you again, I promise. Tell my mom I said hi." 

Then I left, taking Takanori's hand in mine as we left that place forever. 

"I love you, Akira. Let's go home, my moon."

The light seemed to lift us up high, high up into a column of light. Then we saw the clouds. 

"I love you too, my sun. My Takanori."

And finally. Finally. I was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> And another fic is in the bag! Thanks!
> 
> TIP: If anyone needs to talk or vent, my inbox is always open! Much love <3333333


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